My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
