R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
