thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
