I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
