I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
