Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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