you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
