I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
