Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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