Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
