Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
