official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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