I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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