She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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