i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
