you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
