So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
