There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
