dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
