I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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