My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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