dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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