Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
