im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
