Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
