Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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