I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
