I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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