I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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