yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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