rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
how does that bad decision feel?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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