I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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