I am midnight drunk by noon
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
