I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
MIDGETS
????
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
