If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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