seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We are all done wearing pants today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
