she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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