he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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