it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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