that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
