So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
