Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
