I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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