Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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