I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
