Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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