I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
