yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
