A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pants are for mortals
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
