it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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