I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
