The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
