Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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