Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love you. Go after that dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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