Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
