jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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