I think my vagina is haunted
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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