Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
