You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We need to get me chipped asap
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
