is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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