when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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