Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
