Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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