It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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