I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm really busy with my period
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