; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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