Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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