i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ttyl tear gas
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize