do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
