Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
