I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
