East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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