I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize