I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
